Wednesday, August 24, 2016

Aug 25, 2016 Test Takers

You have this.  You have worked for this, you have given up parties with friends, you have spent hours in the library looking at graphs, tables, random psych/soc words, reworking passages about things we may never 100% understand.

BUT ...

TOMORROW, this is YOUR day to show WHY you did this.  This is your day to PROVE to YOURSELF WHY you did this...

GO DO THIS - do not fear, don't let anxiety amp you up.

DO.  THIS.  With no regret!!





LET'S GO!  :)

See you on the flip side.

Monday, August 22, 2016

Wanting To Give Up

Sometimes, it'd be easier.

Some nights the darkness rolls in, fear enters the spaces in my head.  I tell myself to get to the morning, things always look better in the light (except for me, sometimes :D).

Letters in the mail I can't do anything about.

 This says it all:

Sunday, August 21, 2016

Crossing The Finish Line

You're a premed and somehow you've wandered over to my blog about an ultra-non-trad premed who's struggles are well noted all over the blog.  Most of the struggles stem solely and only due to my decision to report my then very public company for fraud.  Unfortunately, as the VP of Internal Audit, I was not protected under the Sarbanes-Oxley Act of 2002 because as an executive, the courts ruled that people like me were simply "doing our job" ... and the courts did not care if we were then fired.

And lost everything including... well everything.  The long term affects of that hit every aspect of my, my parents', and that, of course, of my son's lives.  People judge me for having poor credit but don't understand:  the systemic bumbling of everything related to my house, vehicle, and jobs impacted my ability to pay bills; then the bailout of GM bumbled the lawsuit I had against them for the lemon Escalade.  Which then forced me to file for bankruptcy when Chase (also bailed out by Federal Government) came after me for the lien on the vehicle that could not be driven... because it died on the road when I was driving it... the electronic malfunction in my vehicle was one of the first that GM knew about (and failed to disclose because I did not die in it...that's when GM lets the public know about an issue; someone has to die first, then, of course, they deny that for awhile until someone else dies...).

With very poor credit it's almost impossible to get a decent job, especially at the level I was at or any level, for that matter.

Without the ability to get a job, one can't reestablish the credit and if one does, I did, then when a contract ends (because no company wants a full time person with bad credit), the money runs out.  Then bills don't get paid again.

Enter in Obamacare, and I don't have health insurance either.  I did pay the $128/month before ACA kicked in.  I'm healthy, never had a severe anything (ruptured appendix but once that blew, it can't blow again), no addiction issues, no drinking, never smoked, never done drugs.  Under Obamacare, however, that rose to $578/month and I left off paying it.

Credit > healthcare.  Rent > credit and cars.

Through all of this, including the loss of $350,000 in equity on my house (see above), I've maintained a pretty happy stance.  This too shall pass (though I wish it would do so more quickly).  I've focused on the current task at hand (which is still med school - yes, I have a plan to pay for it).  I've been thankful, ever so grateful for the help along the way - most it has been emotional support and a friendly ear while I pressed to overcome - lately it has been much more than that.  Forever thankful.

It's a key point as well all push to cross the finish line of premed and anchor our next path in a medical school somewhere.

Be thankful, be gracious, and finish.  If I can get through all the above, you can finish too.

See you at a white coat!

Saturday, August 20, 2016

Unfortunate Drama

Several years ago, I dated a person whom we all now succinctly call, "Satan" because he was hell to live with after his shiny exterior wore off.  I met him at the age of 38 when I was thin, gorgeous and primed to meet a fabulous guy.

Things started off as most relationships do: it was fun, he was hot, he was bigger than life.  But there were little clues along the early path that I should have heeded.

He was jealous of any other man in my vicinity.  A friend of mine, John, has been one of my dearest friends in the world for almost 3 decades and we have always been nothing but friends; but to Satan, John was the enemy who would finally - in Satan's mind at least - woo me.  I never laughed so hard when Satan told me that.  Really?

Then there was Scott.  He was jealous of Scott as well.  Scott married his best friend, Jennifer, in a gorgeous wedding in Anchorage.  I was best woman... and brought my then boyfriend with me but Satan didn't care; he was jealous of Scott too.

There were the temper tantrums Satan threw over menial things: doors left open, soda cans not fully drained; the list goes on and on.

Primarily, people who act like Satan are insecure with themselves and overtly, it become narcissism.  Every one and every thing is a threat.  And the relationship becomes abusive.  Only those that the narcissist trusts (because they are lesser than they are in their eyes) are welcome in the life.  Satan trusted no one - including my own son whom he threatened... and whereupon, found his stuff on my curb.

Abuse knows no limits.  Isolation, judgmental, deprivation.  Satan did all those things to me.  Sabotaging my own self-esteem, denigrating everything I felt true about me to the point where I did not know who I really was anymore... when he got thrown out, I thought peace would come immediately, but it took years.

It took years to realize who I am and what I'm about.  It took years to rid myself of the stench he left behind.  About that time I met the physician who kicked me in the butt to get back to medical school pre-reqs.  While I ended that relationship as well, I'm forever thankful he was in my life for that very reason.  I'm  here today, writing as a medical school applicant because of him.

After I broke things off with him, there was one more person I thought maybe with.  Sir Hawtsalot, I called him.  Wealthy beyond imagination, secure, dignified, reasonable, wicked smart; we played chess and drank wine, we did all sorts of things but his lifestyle was not one that made me think forever partnership as he had to bound like Tigger in Pooh all over the world.  I believe he thought his money and means would keep me but...

I broke up with him too... money can't keep me.  It's the heart that does.  His heart was so scattered that no one person can ever be his only partner... he was a cheat.  He went on to get married and hasn't changed much; he still travels the world at a moment's notice but he does appear to love his wife.  I'm thankful for that - she has something I don't: Patience in relationships and a need for "gold" - she's a digger and he doesn't care.

There's a couple of main points to this whole post that I hope don't get lost:

1.  Abuse starts off as a "you don't understand" type of thing and turns into isolation; been there, won't ever do it again; can see it a million miles away

2.  Dignity is never lost - how you treat your spouse, your spouse's friends and others shows what type of person one is

3.  I am not, and never will be, a gold digger.  My life has been filled with people who are multi-billionaires (they owned a significant portion of ABC, the MN Wild, the precursor to DirecTV, among others); my life has been filled with countless multi-millionaires as well (largest wholesale nursery in the country, to descendants of the Waltons, to overnighters like Sir Hawtsalot).  Those people were welcome in MY life because of who they were inside, not how much resided in their bank accounts; they accepted me for the lack of... and never judged me for it.

For those of you who are reading this know, I am always a friend no matter the time or distance.  Friends don't desert you, or leave you feeling betrayed.  The generosity shown to my son and I during some really dark times will never be forgotten, and neither will you.

My white coat awaits somewhere.  Be you, be blessed, be happy.

Toxic Relationships

Thursday, August 18, 2016

Life's Bumps

Can either break you, shake you, or you can use them to lift you up and push you further.

Life is always going to have bumps.  Do you rise? Or do you fall?

I tend to rise.  Sure, I whine a little, I might even tear up and cry a little.  But I always rise.  Life will not beat me, it will be my partner for whatever decades I left in me.

The premed course is not easy.  The non-traditional premed course can be even more isolating (we don't fit in due to "length of life" as one medical school puts it) OR it can be inclusive (we use our length of life as a means to connect with our younger peers).  My tendency is to fall into the latter.

Right now, many of you are taking the MCAT tomorrow and others still on Saturday.

You're nervous, maybe even scared.  The instant of doubt raising its ugly head too often, if even for a blink of they eye.

When you think you're down, get up.  When you think you don't know the answer, know it's on the screen in front of you.  When you think it's too hard, think about how much harder it would be ON YOU if you quit.  When you think it's too long, think how long life will be if you stop chasing your dream.

And when you finish reading all that, watch this and RISE!