Monday, November 16, 2009

Hoping The Door Opens At Some Point

Some days my head meets the nail. Some days the pans aren't dented quite enough. Some days it would seem the faith that brought me to the door is testing my utter mettle as I try to make things gel.

I'm still ever thankful for the supportive professors, friends and adviser that I have at school. I'm still ever thankful for my parents who ... love me no matter what path I traipse along, and support me no matter the personal cost to them. Honestly, their faith in me sometimes brings up the utter guilt that dwells within. This dream of mine is their journey as well. Thankfully, they believe in this path of mine too. They too remember me wanting to be a doc when I was little, and doing chemistry experiments in our dungeon of a basement.

I'm blessed, I know that.

I told someone with complete confidence a few weeks ago, "What God brings you to, He'll bring you through" ...

I look upward and ask, "Now?"

Okay, a few days or weeks pass and I think, "Okay, how about now?!"

Still the utter quiet resonates in my home.

"Maybe, now?"

Nope. Still no answers.

I keep hoping the current issues will go away, resolve themselves, and allow me to just be a student. In the meantime, I try to focus on things that make me smile, make me laugh, or just allow me the peace and quiet of a nice night at home.

Some days the music can't get quite loud enough nor the pans dented quite liberally.

Today, would be one of them.

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