Saturday, May 30, 2009

Fork In The Road

Every decision, every twist, every turn in a decision always contains forks, prompts, considerations, and alternatives. Mine are facing me straight in the face.

I want to poke it back!

The first semester of my trip back to school was interesting on many accounts. I've never studied so much in my life to be so incredibly disappointed in my performance. There were times other students would ask me how to do problem sets, or how to get through a lab, and I would be able to easily help them.

Teaching assistants would often tell me they were thankful that I was around to help ease their stress when they were either overwhelmed with the amount of students requiring help (right before exams) or nervous about presenting in front of large classrooms.

Those are areas I will cherish from my first semester back.

During the week after finals I visited a med school and talked with the director of admissions. Interesting to note how my cancer path may have been slightly tweaked.

Before I can move down that decision path, I must first choose whether or not and how, to proceed. There is no doubt I want to be a doc. There is no doubt I would be an excellent physician (at least in my mind!).

In the back of my mind there is a teeny little voice asking, "What say you?" related to continuing the path.

Monday, May 4, 2009

1st Final In 23 Years

Looming on my horizon is the first final I will have taken in 23 years. The flight or fight mechanism all prey animals are born with seems to lurk heavily at times underneath my own epithelial tissue.

And yet, I know the material fairly well. It's not like 23 years ago when I heard the word final coupled with "tomorrow morning" that fear struck and I wondered not only what material but worse, which class! Strike that, 23 years ago I was probably not worried about the final in the morning correlation at all. Which is why I'm galloping down this path now.

Interesting note how maturity connects in people's brains at different times and for different reasons.

My hope is this time, the "need" to succeed and the "need" to do whatever it takes to get to medical school have an intersecting point in 12 days. Then I can relax for four weeks, read something "fun" (Exam Krackers, I suppose), and start all over again.

Still loving the path and cannot fathom doing anything else but helping patients.