Saturday, January 2, 2010

So Far, 2010 is So Good

Two days into 2010 and so far, I could not be more relieved. A letter arrived today answering my inner prayers and concerns. Gave me the needed hope to plug yet another hole in my life, should I decide to register.

I keep wondering if that itch in my ears is the biology or pharmacology class beckoning me, or just a need for a Q-tip (okay, that was gross - my ears are clean).

I'm wavering. Really don't want to leave school; afraid if I do, I'll never return, be 60 and wondering why the heck my drive went buh bye.

Looking back on my classes from fall semester and honestly, I did okay considering. Can only imagine how well I will do without the constraints, hassles, stress, D-R-A-M-A, that I had going. Being on campus a few days ago reminded me, yet again, what I love. Was only there to pick up meds (something about pyelonephritis and cipro) but... that itch.

Maybe it was my down jacket's feather poking me.

Anyway, 2010 is starting off far better than 2009. I hope it continues... for all of us :)

Make it a great day!


Mr. C said...

You know you will regret giving up (or giving in, out, etc.).

If you knew for sure you would fail in the end, would you give up the journey?

I woke up this morning to my oldest daughter (3) crying in her room with nightmares. My wife (pregnant with #3) hasn't gotten a full night's sleep in 3 years. No exaggeration. I crawled into bed with her to calm her down.

At 6am I kissed her and told her I had to get ready for work. It had snowed and additional 4 inches overnight, and was -4 as I swept snow from the car windows and started the engine.

By 7am this fine Sunday morning I was dressed head-to-toe in snow boots, heavy-duty coveralls, gloves, thinsulate mask, safety vest and a radio as I trudged through 3ft snow drifts to begin my day in the railroad yard.

In the few breaks I took to do jumping jacks (to get blood flowing back to my frozen fingers and toes) I thought about what I was doing to myself to "possibly" become a doctor. I say possibly, because nothing is guaranteed.

Between full-time work and school I hardly see my wife (who really should be complaining much more than she does) and kids, I have to decide which bills I can pay each month and which ones get to call my wife endlessly for payments while I'm away, and I wonder "What the HELL are you doing?!?"

All for a chance... just a CHANCE that I could fulfill a dream. A chance to really provide the life that my family deserves, a chance to really make a dent in the universe by helping others, and a chance to be an example to my kids that hard work and sacrifice are virtuous.

I could lead a decent life without MD at the end of my name. It would be much less stressful to quit school, get out of the railroad yard and work on the long-haul trains (in the comfort of the locomotive cab), and be the cool dad at career day who gets to drive trains all day.

But, I'm not ordinary. I want to make a difference in the world - to be a pioneer, not a settler. I want to cure cancer. (That's not a typo, I really think I can.)

However, that dream is at the end of a very long and unforgiving road. It doesn't care that I'm human, if I struggle or if I fail. It only demands perseverance and bit of insanity.

If I knew now that I would fail... I would choose to fail in spectacular form, and know that I gave it my best shot.

Don't quit.

Slamdunk said...

Glad 2010 is off to a promising start.

I think just taking school one day at a time was the best approach for me. If I looked to far ahead, I simply lost focus. I am confident that you will continue to excel.

A Doc 2 Be said...

Mr C. - wow! I do not know how you do it... and keep sane. Fortitude?

Slamdunks, you rock!

And both of you, are so right. My dad asked me tonight when I register. Not if but when.


That itch again...

Kara said...

Hey there-

You have to register. :)

(Says the one who needs advice from you on occasion about what courses to take from what teachers.)

You'll be sad, down the road, if you don't. Let your support system walk you through the tough times. You've done a great job of pushing through on your own so far; let the people around you keep you stong as it gets tough!

I've got three kids, the youngest just having turned 4. I'm a mom who hasn't slept in 4 years. This semester doesn't feel very good for me, and I'm worried about getting good grades on top of my full-time job and family obligations. This semester, I'm going to have to lean on people around me to make it happen.

That's tough for me because I don't like needing help; it's just not like me. But reaching my goal is more important to me at this point than the illusion that I can do it all myself is...

You simply have to register. (Besides, I'd really like to meet another OPM on campus from time to time for coffee!)

A Doc 2 Be said...

Kara, are you registered at the university?!?!?! OMGosh, it'd be awesome to meet!!!

What'd you end up registering for?

feel free to send me an email at:

Ad2b (I'll respond with my home email addy - for privacy purposes, I try to keep this sanitized of identifying information)

Kara said...

Hey again!

I dropped you an email from my personal email address. Let me know if you don't get it, and I'll resend!