Friday, March 26, 2010

Dear Austin

Twenty four years ago you entered my life in the middle of the night. The woman with me said the only time tears entered her eyes were after you were whisked away from me. My eyes watered when I heard you cry.

I'm sorry I won't make it to your spot today... The polished, black marble stone that lies at your feet is not enough... It says you are at play in the fields of the Lord. I hope so. I hope you run, and play hockey. I hope... that you forgive my shortcomings as a mom while you were here on Earth. I hope Stasha is there by your side and maybe you've even gathered Duchess, Tank, Boozer, and Gretchen by your side, with Abby yapping wildly.

There is never a day goes by that I do not think about you. I've often thought you stood by Garret's side when he rushed in to do something stupid, whispering quietly, "Garret, its me, Austin; your older brother; don't do it." I've often looked up and said a quiet "Thank you, AJ"... I remember the time a truck was barreling down on Garret and something stopped it. That was you, wasn't it; protecting Garret from disappearing in my life too. My son, you were always my "Babycakes".

Six months was far too short a time to spend with a beloved son. While remarking to others that at least I got some time that others never get, I wish I could have had more. Your sparkly blue eyes, lit up the world. It is still painful to remember.

If it is true that those in Heaven know what their loved ones feel and think, then I guess you already know... How 24 years can pass, each day a little easier, and yet on this day, I miss you even more.

Happy Birthday, Austin! I love and miss you, Babycakes.

~ Mom

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