Friday, July 16, 2010

Was Asked Recently...

if I missed the business world and its financial rewards more than I love being in school pursuing a dream.

Another friend of mine told me to not quit until I take my last dying breath adding that sometime in this decade we need to make me into a rural family doc.

And then there are my parents - with my mom having emergency surgery this week after having NOT been diagnosed appropriately for two weeks prior in the tiny little village clinic, she wanted to know what the rural clinic/hospital could have done better, differently, stopped her pain. Then she asked, "Will you be a different doctor than what I've had?"

Hmmm... so, to answer:

1) I love being in school, I love chasing my dream; right now, I miss being registered for Fall, have my o-chem books on my coffee table, the model kit at my side, and I'm ready. The scholarships just did not come through - they went to people without first degrees. While I do not like that much for very selfish reasons, I do understand. I also loved having money where I could do whatever, for whomever my heart skippeth a beat for, whenever I wanted. Now, I have to plan and feel slightly guilty that I cannot do all that I would like... as I try to figure out how to register for fall. My dream is still alive, not on life support, but alive. Just need to find the right "food" to keep it going. As resourceful as I am, the brick walls are hurting my head... but I keep looking, keep pondering, keep evaluating other means - PhD, MPH are both alternatives to getting to ultimate destination. Was also asked: if I could help people without having the M.D. behind my name (I will also toss in the D.O.), by doing something different, would that be just as satisfying? The answer is resoundingly, no. Being married won't change my perspective on wanting to help others, it would be tending to a man whom I adore getting a woman at the end of the day who was fulfilled, content, and probably often, exasperated. (THERE ARE NO WEDDING PLANS!!!!! That was just for example purposes.)

2) Yes, during this decade I need to keep trying. Last night, at a fabulous Italian restaurant (OMDG you and Luca would have been proud!), I mentioned that I'm single and need something to do that is meaningful for the rest of my life. No one, at this point, gives two great dane mounds of poo whether or not I'm wealthy, but many care if I pursue my dream. I care that I do something good with my life so that my legacy is relevant, not lost in the mire. I care that somehow I did not give up so easily... and yet, as you've all followed my blog, this path has been less than easy strewn and ripe with mounds of poo. But I survived and thrived, right?

3) Mom, I'll try. I do not believe the rural doctors missed anything in reading the lab reports, taking her history, evaluating her condition. I do not hold the rural family doctors accountable for her pain during the last two weeks. What it did make me realize is that large, behemoth, internationally renowned clinic/hospital chains have far better technology in order to care for their patients than the small rural clinic does. It is not a matter of brains, but technical brawn.

We'll see how it goes, I'm still meandering the path; still hoping for the "AD2B, you got an award letter from" and longingly, looking at my model kits.

1 comment:

Beth said...

I don't know if this would help or not, but a doctor I spoke to about taking the premed-to-doc path suggested to I, instead, get a master's or higher degree. He said it would give me a competitive edge.

Plus, if you pursued a Ph.D., you might get a fellowship/stipend to help pay for school. And you'll also get a wealth of experience.

Good luck in your decisions.