Big Smile For Today

You've followed my story(ies), you're read about the bumps, lumps and bruises.  You've also read about my parents and their respective health, or lack of.

This Christmas is already going to be better than last.

One, my son is with me this year when last year I was not speaking to him, nor did I have any interest in doing so.

Two, I'm healthy.  Last year, I spent Christmas day in the ER hoping to God that I did not get admitted.

Three, and this is a BIG one, despite that my cave has no room for a tree, despite that 2010 will go down as the 2nd worst year in my life (2nd to the year Austin passed away), despite that for the better part of this year I've wondered, how/when/where...

I'm renting a room for my parents at the nicer hotel in the area.  They will get to their own services that night, drive to our city, we'll have snacks when they arrive at my cave, then I'll head out to my annual tradition of concert and Catholic mass at the cathedral BUT THEY...

will head to their hotel room... where they will find a decorated room, with a tree, with their presents underneath, and music playing lightly.

Just called the hotel, they said that not only could I decorate but that they would be willing and eager to help me.

My parents, I can only imagine, will be over joyed.  My parents will be thrilled and stunned.

And that is the reason for the season!!!

He Came Home

Storm, that is.  In a box.  Heavy box.  Sat in the truck, my son was with me.  His eyes were welling.  Mine were already holding back tears.  Turning on the radio, this song played - neither of us had heard it before.  Oddly fitting. It was a blurry drive.



I’m coming home
I’m coming home
Tell the World I’m coming home
Let the rain wash away all the pain of yesterday
I know my kingdom awaits and they’ve forgiven my mistakes
I’m coming home, I’m coming home
Tell the World that I’m coming

[Diddy]
Back where I belong, yeah I never felt so strong
(I’m back baby)
I feel like there’s nothing that I can’t try
And if you with me put your hands high
(put your hands high)
If you ever lost a light before, this ones for you
And you, the dreams are for you

I hear “The Tears of a Clown”
I hate that song
I feel like they talking to me when it comes on
Another day another Dawn
Another Keisha, nice to meet ya, get the math I’m gone
What am I ‘posed to do when the club lights come on
Its easy to be Puff, its harder to be Sean
What if the twins ask why I aint marry their mom (why, damn!)
How do I respond?
What if my son stares with a face like my own
And says he wants to be like me when he’s grown
Sh-t! But I aint finished growing
Another night the inevitible prolongs
Another day another Dawn
Just tell Taneka and Taresha I’ll be better in the morn’
Another lie that I carry on
I need to get back to the place I belong

[Dirty Money - Chorus]
I’m coming home
I’m coming home
Tell the World I’m coming home
Let the rain wash away all the pain of yesterday
I know my kingdom awaits and they’ve forgiven my mistakes
I’m coming home, I’m coming home
Tell the World that I’m coming


[Diddy - Verse 2]
“A house is Not a Home“, I hate this song

Is a house really a home when your loved ones are gone
And n-ggas got the nerve to blame you for it
And you know you woulda took the bullet if you saw it
But you felt it and still feel it
And money can’t make up for it or conceal it
But you deal with it and you keep ballin’
Pour out some liquor, play ball and we keep ballin’
Baby we’ve been living in sin ’cause we’ve been really in love
But we’ve been living as friends
So you’ve been a guest in your own home
It’s time to make your house your home
Pick up your phone, come on

[Dirty Money - Chorus]
I’m coming home
I’m coming home
Tell the World I’m coming home
Let the rain wash away all the pain of yesterday
I know my kingdom awaits and they’ve forgiven my mistakes
I’m coming home, I’m coming home
Tell the World that I’m coming


[Diddy - Verse 3]
“Ain’t No Stopping Us Now“, I love that song
Whenever it comes on it makes me feel strong
I thought I told y’all that we won’t stop
We back cruising through Harlem, Viso blocks
It’s what made me, saved me, drove me crazy
Drove me away than embraced me
Forgave me for all of my shortcomings
Welcome to my homecoming
Yeah it’s been a long time coming
Lot of fights, lot of scars, lot of bottles
Lot of cars, lot of ups, lot of downs
Made it back, lost my dog (I miss you BIG)
And here I stand, a better man! (a better man)
Thank you Lord (Thank you Lord)

[Dirty Money - Chorus]
I’m coming home
I’m coming home
Tell the World I’m coming home
Let the rain wash away all the pain of yesterday
I know my kingdom awaits and they’ve forgiven my mistakes
I’m coming home, I’m coming home
Tell the World that I’m coming

I'm A Pseudo Aunt

About 5 weeks ago, in a superb Wisconsin location, a substantial litter of puppies were born.  Not just any puppies, Great Dane puppies.

The loss of Storm still haunts me at times.  His presence in our home is definitely missed as are his other traits and while I am still putting together his YouTube video (not a tribute to utter morosity), I'm also enjoying life and loving the vantage point of Auntie watching these beautiful babies grow.

Newborn - minutes old

1 week old

2 weeks old

4 weeks old - thinking about how mischievous dane pups are supposed to behave

because why behave when you can...

almost 5 weeks and finding white stuff on paws is ...

These dane pups are not what you find in your local paper.  They are not $350 for an AKC puppy whereby the breeder proclaims that being AKC actually "means" something (it doesn't really - sorry if you believe it does... no, scratch that, I'm not sorry, if you believe that, you're sadly very misinformed).  They are not a "pick a dam and pick a sire and breed to your heart's content and then SELL SELL SELL" puppies.  They are not "hope the legs are good on the breeding pair" or "hope there will be no wobblers - well what is wobblers anyway" type bred puppies.

These puppies, or in this case this pup from a litter of 13, came from a well thought out, well planned breeding of AKC CHAMPIONSHIP dogs where ALL available health tests are performed on the breeding pair to ensure the best possible genetics and health is going into the puppies.  Likewise, they are also NOT $350.  What difference does the CHAMPIONSHIP title mean?  Doesn't AKC mean the same thing?

A lot.  and No.

AKC judges are only able to judge after passing tests and having "been in the ring" for many years.  They are REQUIRED to judge the dogs in the show ring to a set, written standard.  Any dog deviating from that standard is not seen as upholding why the breed was bred in the first place.

Kind of like a standard for medical doctors.  Think of it like the USMLE or COMLEX - if you can do well against the standard of those tests, the inference is that you are well equipped educationally to be a doc.

Only those dogs getting enough types of wins are given the title Champion.  It takes many long hours of training the dogs and many more hours of traveling to shows to get judging completed. In some cases, it can take years to "finish" a dog (aka: get the CH on front of name).

Again, like a medical doctor has to pass several different types of tests (more if specialty): USMLE Steps 1-2-3.

With dogs, the AKC on the papers is just stating that according to records the dog has a pedigree that is recognized for 5 generations as all pairs being of the same breed, in this case, Great Danes.

AKC is similar to medical schools.  For the most part, it does not overly matter which medical school you attend, in the end, you have M.D. at the end of your name, tests you've passed and at that point, MOST patients don't care what school you went to.

Is your training better if you go to a higher tier med school - yes, more than likely - but ultimately, it is the USMLE scores that get you your residency and your first spot as a full fledged doc.

In dogs, it is the CH on the front end and tests (heart, CERF, legs, etc) that help create the quality pup.

The one pictured is in a litter I was supposed to visit today (16" of snow and white out conditions stopped that trek).  I don't know if she will eventually be my pup or not, but she is gorgeous, she is well bred, she is in her early stages of possibly becoming the dog equivalent of an M.D.

Titled.  Cherished.  Tested.  Loved.

Dignity - Many Condolences

As many have commented elsewhere, dignity takes many forms, shows itself in vastly different ways, and manifests itself on people's canvasses. I've followed the story in the press, and perhaps you have as well:

Elizabeth Edwards and her cancer treatments.

The cancer itself has had to be harrowing, the debacle that is her estranged husband's deceit far worse.

Yet, through it all, her dignity has remained intact. She has shown courage and grace when the world, and her own health, were against her. She has maintained a quiet dignity reminiscent of days gone by when people held their tongue and took the high road.

Apparently, that dignity will take her onto the next stage in her life's journey as she has stopped cancer treatments.

I do not know the family, nor anyone connected to them, but my thoughts are with her family and friends, and all others currently suffering the ravages of disease.

I only hope that if I am ever in a similar situation, I remain as steadfastly dignified Elizabeth has been.

EDITED:

Elizabeth Edwards passed away on Tuesday, December 7th.

Pediatric Oncology

Many ask what field in medicine I want practice with excited looks on their faces. Apparently, they want to hear neurosurgery, or orthopedics, or ob/gyn, or EM. It is an odd feeling when I tell them and their eyes look downward, their mouths unsure of what to say next so they more than often mumble, "Why that?!" as if there is something wrong with wanting to help the children, and their parents, through the most difficult times of their respective lives.

Because I can, is all that comes to mind.  Because... I have to.  Because that God of mine, gave me a heart so large, it loves everyone (well, most everyone!), and feels the compassion toward helping the kids.  Because, I've lost one of my own.  Because, I understand the agony, the panic, the fear, the hopelessness... and the hope.

As I have done every year since I started this blog, I'm doing it again this year... posting a link so you can donate to St Jude's Children's Hospital.

Donate now and help the children of St. Jude

Please consider donating. If you have followed my blog you know my own story. Last week my parents visited the food shelf to get food for my son and I . And yet this week, as my last unemployment rolled in, I started a new contract. Will be getting my first paycheck in two weeks... and I'm donating.

When I'm asked why pediatric oncology and I start with "Because" I end with "Why not? Each day these kids and their parents get to spend together is one more day than they might not have had. Is it not worth it to try?"

To me it is. I would give anything and everything to have had one more day with Austin.

Make it a great day - click the link. $2, $3, $5 or more... just give. Please?