Monday, November 19, 2012

Just when I thought, my week...

couldn't get worse, I find out my son's father is dying of stage IV melanoma.  Apparently, the little bump under his armpit was a sign of the tumors in his brain, of the lesions on his spine, of the ending I never imagined for this man.

My son's father has not been a part of our lives.  We were together for many years, probably close to seven in all, but when I found out I was pregnant it was time to grow up or ... and I raised my son alone.  Not with anger toward his father but with more love for my son; not with bitterness of what had happened in the past, but for the hope that rose in my son's eyes, and upon his broad shoulders.

A few weeks ago through happenstance circumstances, I found a post on FB (of all things that I just signed up on) related to him; brain tumors.  Tonight I found out how bad it is.

My week has been shit anyway - and it's only Monday night.  This makes me not overtly sad but melancholy as I think of how much a great part of my life, this dying man played in my life.  Without him, I'd not have my son and Lord only knows how my life would've turned out.

I have funny stories I wish I could retell - things that when I told my son tonight, made him laugh and shake his head.  There are things his father and I did that make most people double over - my God we WERE stupid!!! lol

And he may not make it to this weekend, or his 46th birthday next week.

And my son, may never meet the man who is his father.

I feel for both of them.


Slamdunk said...

I appreciate you checking up on me a while ago and sorry for my delayed response. Nothing too interesting here--just the usual family illnesses, lots of work, etc.

I am sorry to read this post. That must be difficult--I'll pray for him and for your son as well.

Speculative Speculum said...

I'm so sorry. :(