Many years ago, in a city far, far away a 4th grader found out her teacher had some disease that was unpronounceable, spellable yes, but could not be pronounced. The little 4th grader headed to the library to find books (all far too over her head) and then to doctors in the network of family friends to discuss.
The discussions were probably very high level as the 4th grader was smart, just not "that" smart. I'm pretty sure some things were left out as age appropriate. The aside from learning about leukemia, was learning to research.
For my biochem class that I've been allowed to rejoin, there is a research paper due. My inner geek exploded inside with joy, glee, sheer smiles! I LOVE to research topics - from medicine to pharmaceuticals to clinical trials to chemistry ... the pattern is becoming clearer.
In 35 years, I've moved a bit from cancer and leukemia research having long since realized there are other interesting diseases out there. My choice this time, is ALS.
Lou Gehrig's disease robs the individual of their motor function including swallowing and eventually, breathing. As the body declines, their minds do not. It is an insufferable disease that I saw first hand some 15 years ago in one of my family's very close friends.
My mother became the primary care-giver for a woman who had been her close friend in high school and throughout life. My mother is not a nurse, not a physician and the closest she has come to medicine is her own health. My mom, however, has a good heart... and gave it all for this woman to live as peaceably as she could.
My parents put a ramp through the front door of their house to make sure the lady's motorized wheelchair could get through. They had already built the house with wide enough door jambs to allow for their elderly years and the possibility that one of them might be bound.
As the woman's health declined, her mood did too. That is not unexpected as the mind stays fully alert which increases the potential for depression. Her professional care-givers would often not show up so my mom would be called and on one occasion, I was. I volunteered to go. This woman had known me all my life and had been amazing. It was my turn to give back.
Little did I know and yet, I knew I'd never regret that I went.
She needed to be turned about every 5 minutes. ALS robs the person of the ability of simple things like rolling over in bed, moving an arm, changing a leg position, even... moving the head. The eyes can still move, the mouth can still speak but nothing else works. Every 5 minutes for 10 hours, I would try to understand what she wanted as ALS started robbing her of speech as well. A head moved to the left, a pillow fluffed, a tear wiped... whatever she needed. Eventually, exhaustion took her that night for about 2 hours, I think. I too, was exhausted - emotionally as well as physically.
I stayed until the professionals showed up. I cooked her bran for her, carefully fed her, gave her sips of water, prayed with her for a peaceful passing. She was scared.
No, she was terrified. Not of death but of how that would come. Choking was now common in her life and sometimes, just catching her breath was a hard day's work.
Thankfully, her passing was painless and peaceful. She had suffered this disease for three years before it took her.
In honor of her, and my mom who took care of her until the end (and who's 78th birthday it is on Saturday), I'm doing my research on ALS. I am hoping to find some better news or at least hopeful news, compared to that which was dispensed in 1993.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Chem Midterm Done, Biochem Next Up...
This song, light and fluffy, reminds me of my brain right now because not everything can be so serious and hard and difficult. Sometimes, it's nice to just sit back, relax, and smile. (And yes, I KNOW, it might be a bit egotistical but seriously, this is a blog about MY journey and things I find along the way... what'd you expect?! :D)
Make it a great day - and a better one tomorrow!
Make it a great day - and a better one tomorrow!
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
And There In The Bowels
of a old, outdated building, in a tiny office tucked way in the corner sat my adviser. She sat, listened, didn't say a word. As I continued, she continued to just listen: never judging me, never disparaging me or asking what I could have done differently, just listened.
Then she inquired about my safety. THAT she was concerned about. Yes, she was concerned about my academics but Maslow's pyramid starts at safety and that was first and foremost in her mind.
Safety from what you ask?
A stalker.
(I edited this portion out from an earlier version of this post and placed into the comment section.)
This is not about him, for that is a waste of space. This is for my adviser who in the shallow, darkened end of an old building, in the back corner of an not-so-well lit room, gave me support and then some to continue the path. She put a light on the "prize" again for me. She helped me see objectively what my options were and what the resolutions to those would do to me related to med school.
None of them hopeless or bad.
She restored some light. And to her, as to many of you, I am thankful.
And as it turns out, I'm staying in biochem (YEAY!) and yes, I'm safe.
Then she inquired about my safety. THAT she was concerned about. Yes, she was concerned about my academics but Maslow's pyramid starts at safety and that was first and foremost in her mind.
Safety from what you ask?
A stalker.
(I edited this portion out from an earlier version of this post and placed into the comment section.)
This is not about him, for that is a waste of space. This is for my adviser who in the shallow, darkened end of an old building, in the back corner of an not-so-well lit room, gave me support and then some to continue the path. She put a light on the "prize" again for me. She helped me see objectively what my options were and what the resolutions to those would do to me related to med school.
None of them hopeless or bad.
She restored some light. And to her, as to many of you, I am thankful.
And as it turns out, I'm staying in biochem (YEAY!) and yes, I'm safe.
Monday, November 2, 2009
Private Loan Information - Coming Soon
Several companies are still supplying needed private loans to credit-worthy students OR not-so credit-worthy students WITH co-signers.
I'm in the midst of studying for gen chem II exam. Will post more on it soon.
Until then,
Make it a great day!
I'm in the midst of studying for gen chem II exam. Will post more on it soon.
Until then,
Make it a great day!
Sunday, November 1, 2009
It Is So Tempting To Blame Obama
And yet I won't. I did not vote for him and quite honestly, didn't vote for McCain either. The latter had my vote until Palin was attached but then, dear old Colin Powell got my 3x write in vote - 2000, 2004, 2008.
Why not Obama?
I'm not going to denigrate my blog with a political bent, although, I have a hankering to. Discussing what is wrong with Obama's health care plan is open season.
During the years I was fully employed making well over $200,000 a year, paying $80,000 a year in taxes (withdrawn from paychecks) and FICA and Med, I had decent health care coverage. Not great but it was decent enough that if I needed to get to a doc, I could. At $200,000+ a year, I had more than enough money to take care of my son, take care of my home, take care of things that needed tending and even put away funds for retirement (now long tossed out the window) and open a securities account.
The war chest was built using lies and taking money I'd rather have been spent making sure the homeless on the street were cared for. Why is that the most powerful country in the world would rather make bombs and blow the snot out of another country without provocation, than take care of our own. Most homeless are not there because they chose to be - they are ill: mentally and generally, physically. The veterinarians have shown far more compassion for our homeless than our government caring for the homeless person's pet often for free. Even vets understand the compassion and warmth a pet can bring.
The first democrat I would have ever voted for was Paul Wellstone (guess you now have it, I'm from Minnesota). I wrote him shortly before the election that year and told him he would be the first Democrat that I would ever vote for, and hopefully, the last (as I was praying the GOP would get back to mid-ground). The letter I received back from Senator Wellstone was typed but signed by him, with a small comment underneath his sig. He died a few days later in a plane crash and my vote went to Mondale. Why would I not vote for, refuse to vote for, Norm Coleman?
Somewhere along the way, Norm forgot who he fought for when he first entered politics. He forgot the common folk who don't have healthcare, don't have food, don't have basic necessities of life. He forgot, or quickly found out it was not vote-worthy, the people who made him the mayor of St. Paul and supported his wrangling of a hockey team (the state, however, does thank you, Norm, for that!).
Norm is indicative of what is wrong.
He chased money. He chased votes. He chased like a dog after a car, things that were not helping mid-America and eventually, all America. Common necessities, basic needs. Maslow's pyramid... security, safety, food, health.
By chasing money all politicians forget to chase a moral compass. That moral compass gets lost in the plethora of indulgent dinners, PAC funding, and ego stroking. Obama is no different. I believe his goal is to help Americans get health care but his means are off base and therefore, his moral compass is wrong.
Obama still cares about lining his pockets with PAC money for 2012. Obama can't disparage the CEOs of insurance companies because they horde big money and big egos and big lawyers. Obama can't disparage the lawyers because... lawyers tend not to disparage their own ilk. Obama is set up for failure because the people he most trusts - those like him with pedigree initials from pedigree top-ranking law schools - don't get the moral compass thing either: forget about lining the pockets and do what is right.
They won't. They can't. And because of all that, $200,000+ a year went to fund bombs and fuel for Iraq instead of needles and blood and pharmaceutical research for disease fighting drugs.
I don't blame Obama for the health care mess. I blame greedy CEOs, greedy BoDs, greedy lawyers, greedy insurance companies run by greedy CEOs supported by greedy lawyers and enhanced sycophants surrounding the same.
Okay, so much for not being a political bent. :)
Make it a great day!
P.S. I was never ever worth that amount of money, I don't kid myself. Going into work everyday, I wondered why they paid me as much as they did to sit around, strategize how to use internal audit to make the company more money, commit no fraud (they did anyway), and manage/motivate/direct my teams. One day, while sitting in the board room, almost to the point of checking out the backsides of my eyelids whilst the "powers that be" discussed ad nauseum the derivative instruments of Goldman-Sachs, and the impact of selling short our position on the housing stocks, I questioned:
"Do you put this much effort into releasing good (product)? If we focus on doing good things, the rest will come. Two hours on derivative instruments when that is x% of our portfolio, is not difficult or worth it. We are not performing brain surgery here."
No, they didn't like me much. Especially when I told them they were committing fraud. But then again, at that time, the executive administration of the US government's SEC looked the other way when told companies were. Ironically, a finance executive once also employed by that company as a contractor just told me, "If anyone in this life deserves to do what they love, find their path and their dream, it is you, J." She was the former CEO and CFO of a multi-billion dollar company. She got it. She understood. She likewise laughed at the gobs of money thrown at people who move boxes and cups around all day playing, "Find the penny" (okay, that was snide but the point made, eh?)
Why not Obama?
I'm not going to denigrate my blog with a political bent, although, I have a hankering to. Discussing what is wrong with Obama's health care plan is open season.
During the years I was fully employed making well over $200,000 a year, paying $80,000 a year in taxes (withdrawn from paychecks) and FICA and Med, I had decent health care coverage. Not great but it was decent enough that if I needed to get to a doc, I could. At $200,000+ a year, I had more than enough money to take care of my son, take care of my home, take care of things that needed tending and even put away funds for retirement (now long tossed out the window) and open a securities account.
The war chest was built using lies and taking money I'd rather have been spent making sure the homeless on the street were cared for. Why is that the most powerful country in the world would rather make bombs and blow the snot out of another country without provocation, than take care of our own. Most homeless are not there because they chose to be - they are ill: mentally and generally, physically. The veterinarians have shown far more compassion for our homeless than our government caring for the homeless person's pet often for free. Even vets understand the compassion and warmth a pet can bring.
The first democrat I would have ever voted for was Paul Wellstone (guess you now have it, I'm from Minnesota). I wrote him shortly before the election that year and told him he would be the first Democrat that I would ever vote for, and hopefully, the last (as I was praying the GOP would get back to mid-ground). The letter I received back from Senator Wellstone was typed but signed by him, with a small comment underneath his sig. He died a few days later in a plane crash and my vote went to Mondale. Why would I not vote for, refuse to vote for, Norm Coleman?
Somewhere along the way, Norm forgot who he fought for when he first entered politics. He forgot the common folk who don't have healthcare, don't have food, don't have basic necessities of life. He forgot, or quickly found out it was not vote-worthy, the people who made him the mayor of St. Paul and supported his wrangling of a hockey team (the state, however, does thank you, Norm, for that!).
Norm is indicative of what is wrong.
He chased money. He chased votes. He chased like a dog after a car, things that were not helping mid-America and eventually, all America. Common necessities, basic needs. Maslow's pyramid... security, safety, food, health.
By chasing money all politicians forget to chase a moral compass. That moral compass gets lost in the plethora of indulgent dinners, PAC funding, and ego stroking. Obama is no different. I believe his goal is to help Americans get health care but his means are off base and therefore, his moral compass is wrong.
Obama still cares about lining his pockets with PAC money for 2012. Obama can't disparage the CEOs of insurance companies because they horde big money and big egos and big lawyers. Obama can't disparage the lawyers because... lawyers tend not to disparage their own ilk. Obama is set up for failure because the people he most trusts - those like him with pedigree initials from pedigree top-ranking law schools - don't get the moral compass thing either: forget about lining the pockets and do what is right.
They won't. They can't. And because of all that, $200,000+ a year went to fund bombs and fuel for Iraq instead of needles and blood and pharmaceutical research for disease fighting drugs.
I don't blame Obama for the health care mess. I blame greedy CEOs, greedy BoDs, greedy lawyers, greedy insurance companies run by greedy CEOs supported by greedy lawyers and enhanced sycophants surrounding the same.
Okay, so much for not being a political bent. :)
Make it a great day!
P.S. I was never ever worth that amount of money, I don't kid myself. Going into work everyday, I wondered why they paid me as much as they did to sit around, strategize how to use internal audit to make the company more money, commit no fraud (they did anyway), and manage/motivate/direct my teams. One day, while sitting in the board room, almost to the point of checking out the backsides of my eyelids whilst the "powers that be" discussed ad nauseum the derivative instruments of Goldman-Sachs, and the impact of selling short our position on the housing stocks, I questioned:
"Do you put this much effort into releasing good (product)? If we focus on doing good things, the rest will come. Two hours on derivative instruments when that is x% of our portfolio, is not difficult or worth it. We are not performing brain surgery here."
No, they didn't like me much. Especially when I told them they were committing fraud. But then again, at that time, the executive administration of the US government's SEC looked the other way when told companies were. Ironically, a finance executive once also employed by that company as a contractor just told me, "If anyone in this life deserves to do what they love, find their path and their dream, it is you, J." She was the former CEO and CFO of a multi-billion dollar company. She got it. She understood. She likewise laughed at the gobs of money thrown at people who move boxes and cups around all day playing, "Find the penny" (okay, that was snide but the point made, eh?)
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