Failure

Never in the past 3 years have I uttered that word realistically. I've said it euphemistically, "I failed that test" when in reality, it was an A-; or I've said, "I failed at that lab" and then really got a low A (not even an A-, just a low A).

Most often it has referred to my own perfectionism exhibiting itself in an OCD manner - I think that might be true of many premeds -

never good enough
never fast enough
never smart enough
never study enough
never perfect enough

It's a trait we are rewarded well for... medical school admission. That one three word phrase keeps us up at night, striving for more knowledge, better understanding, extensive reading.

For non-trads, FUD sets in often; or rather, in my case it sets in daily (HA!). Last semester when FUD set in, my friends (hi K, hi T) would say, "Eh, Ad2b? Really?" and I'd move on.

This semester I have a professor I've spoken about on occasion. He's known to be the most difficult biochem professor but also has two outstanding faculty awards to his credit - granted by students. I don't mind hard as long as hard = good. In his case, he is GREAT!

And he knows me... he forgave my Fall 2009 chaos and welcomed me back into his classroom. And he started me studying the right things months ago so I could do well. And he told me to get an A in his class... and again, how to do so.

Enter the new job... the new CFO who is buried and can't get his head above water... and my waiting on him to respond all day so that I could focus on my biochem. I have only one day that I can dedicate to school - no work, no home, no nothing but school and on this day, I was at work... trying to make things pull together... and I never heard from him. By the time the day was done, it was late on Sunday night, I knew there were major things happening on Monday - I'd already worked 22 hours in 2 days and my Monday was looking no better.

And I had a take home. For biochem. That I scrambled to get done myself instead of going to the TA's to get their help and correct answers.

So, instead of feeling awesome about being in this particular professor's class, I'm embarrassed. Humiliated.

I failed the take home. It's only a few points (thank God) and our major midterm is next week but it is the failure of disappointing him.

And "Hello FUD my old friend! It's hard to see you again..."

Epic fail. ilvl 457.

It's Been One Of Those Days

Where I feel like I could be the patient of these guys:



For reasons I can't disclose (my own privacy for instance), I LOVE this video!!!

Old Emails

Those were some grand old days, eh?  Walking in the woods, wandering down to the boat, sauntering about town with a good bottle of Brunello on the mind, engaged in witty repartee?

I miss that too.

There's a reason, however, things happen.  There's a reason why I'm on my path chasing my dream, and you're unwinding yours.

There's a reason why my life is falling into place, piece by piece, and why you're wondering where you'll be next year and what you'll be doing.

No doubt both of us will be successful in our choices.  No doubt both of us will be... looking over the river that separates us... and wondering,

Should I?

To Apply This Year, Or Not?

July MCAT dates are now open.  The "click" here button has my fingers twitching.  My heart says, "YESSSSSS!!!!!"  My head says, "WAIT!"

Trying to wrap my head around what the pros and cons are... makes my head spin.  There is no clear cut answer.

The medical school changed their requirements for admission some years back.  Grades still average 3.7, MCAT still is about 34R but the application requirements are different.  I have them all completed.

My GPA is hovering around a 3.8... I have yet to take the MCAT so no clue on how I'd do there.

The pros are easy to see:

48 v 49 at application (49 v 50 at hopeful matriculation)
1 more year of working presumably
done with premed for the most part
pressure to continue without known contract off
easier to start planning for life
mindset


The cons are likewise easy:

no physics courses in my background until this summer
physics appears on the MCAT (I can however, get the physics edge through Kaplan)
failure to get in and having to redo the whole application cycle as a reapp vs. an original applicant

Truly at a cross-roads.

Group Projects

Insert puking sound.  You know the kind where a bunch of random people are assigned to a group with a random topic to digest and present?  You know where some of them get together presumably over drinks and appetizers?  You know, the kind where they don't include the others in the "group" and make isolated decisions?

Yeah.  My evolution/creationism class this semester.  I thought since I had not heard from anyone, I'd send out a suggestion for ways to present (the group thing, you know?  including others?)

I got this for a response:

"The Oprah idea is that Oprah would be hosting one of her talk shows with the topic of "Day-age...". We decided it would be funny and interesting to have various people talk to Oprah about the new findings on the legitimacy of this theory. 

-(Russian) Biologist

-Linguist

-Historian/Paleontologis

-etc..

We figured it would be best also to not present opposing viewpoints. Also, someone brought up that there is a word in the bible when talking about the "creation event" that is something along the lines of the word "DAY" but the hebrew translation refers to "a period of time". Sort of an interesting fact there.."

Where the hell did the "WE" come from as I know of at least one other was NOT included either.

Not happy (obviously) as these clueless dolts... I don't care about how we present the material, I DO care about being included especially as MY grade freaking depends on it (20% of my grade, actually).

ughhhh.  I do not like group activities much, except when they operate as it's name sake; like a group!