Tuesday, July 6, 2010

End Of The Road...

I think it is time to hang up my school jeans, sit back, and ponder this dream of mine.

The will to do well is purposefully defined. The ability to do well is likewise defined and tangible.

However, finances are obscure and having survived almost 3 years of being poor, I'm dead.

It is one thing to wonder how to pay for tuition, and another to contemplate buying toilet paper, or milk, or putting gas in the car to get to a job that pays me 1/4 what I used to earn. I'm okay with earning what I do, I actually love the company and my contract is easy.

What I hate is being so poor I have no health insurance, my rent has been paid on time exactly twice, the toilet paper ran out on Sunday but because my tiny little bank is closed on holidays without 24/7 service, I could not transfer money. There was no meat in the fridge and the milk was left out by my son.

No meat. No milk. No money.

The scholarships I applied for lean heavily to students, non traditional students at that, who have not earned a degree. I applied for the scholarship anyway because it did not specify I could not. Who knows what luck I may have had?! Apparently, none.

I can put together the money for school but then there is the problem of rent, bills in my parents' name, my parents themselves, and of course, my son.

I think I might be done - at least in the short term... maybe until next spring term, which then puts me a full two years behind schedule and applying when I'm 48. Yuck. Scratch that.

Double yuck.

If the decision to quit holds, I won't abandon the blog for as OMDG said a few months (a year??) back, let people know there is life after dropping out of the med school race... and what the life looks like could help countless others.

Make it a great day - live for your dream!


Old MD Girl said...

This is a surprise!

You know? You just have to do what you have to do. I hope you hold onto your dream. At least a piece of it, if not the whole thing.

You loved working with patients and helping people, so I do hope that if you really decide to quit that you find a way to make those things part of your life.

A Doc 2 Be said...

Thanks, OMDG!

I think what I want is for things to be settled financially so that I can truly focus on the "A" versus getting struggling to get the "A" or worse.

If the settling can happen to any degree, and I do not have to worry about shelter, food, or getting to school, staying in school is a no brainer.

I want to be a doc... scratch that, need to be a doc.

My life has always been full of helping people... part and parcel of who I am. So, now it is just time to see if I can stabilize my life and then move forward.

Thanks again for all your support!

Anonymous said...

I agree with OMDG - you need to find a way to stay involved with patients and helping others, it sounds like you really enjoy that.

A Doc 2 Be said...

Thank you MedO!

I don't see a way for me to help patients and stay involved in any other way than physician.

My personality is not suited for nursing, or PA, or NP, or ...

If the money somehow works out, I'm back at it in the fall... if not, well... I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

Thank you for the support and trust me, I'm working every angle I can to stay in school and push toward applications next summer.

Elizabeth said...

It totally sucks that good people have to choose between eating/rent and an education. I am sorry that this is happenning.. Hopefully something good will happen.

A Doc 2 Be said...

Thank you, Elizabeth - your kind words meant more to me than I can convey on a simple blog on the interweb(s) :D

Many blessings to you!