Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Withdrawn From School

That's never a great feeling. Wowser.

Yikes. Just yikes.

Actually, I just found out a 100 won't do me any good. Apparently, when 90% of the class argues points and their scores are likewise adjusted upward, the mean changes. For those of us who don't argue points, obviously, the converse happens.

My overall grade is 86.5%, good enough for a mid B- (the university uses +/- grading).

A score of 100 on final (which I think I could have done) would have gotten me to an 89.5%, good enough for a B, MAYBE a B+ ...

I've dropped out.

The test I took a few weeks ago where I did not even study sickle cell trait or CF, I did just slightly ABOVE the mean. Haha. Not bad considering 34 points were on two topics I knew little about.

The 2nd test, the one I thought I had done really well on, everyone complained about their scores and answers. I did not. So, that hurt me.

It's been a difficult journey. Hopping off for now.

And this just sent to me:



Old MD Girl said...

The grade grubbers make me mad too. I've found that the only way they don't get to me is to study so hard and do so well that I will get an A with or without their grubbing.

Don't fall into the trap of telling yourself that it's *their* fault that you're not doing as well as you should. You CAN and WILL do better. You are smart, you are organized, and you can kick their whiny butts.

That said, WTF?? Why are you dropping out? If it's a decision you've made, God bless you. But if you're being pushed out because of life circumstances? Not ok.

It's really hard being a non-trad premed. We have so much riding on it that the college kids don't have. I hope you still keep trying, but if not, please keep blogging so that other people know there is life after pre-med-dom.

A Doc 2 Be said...

Thank you OMDG :)

You are absolutely correct about grade grubbers - they actually hurt themselves this past semester more than me. I don't blame them at all for my grades; I blame me. Completely.

I thought I was strong enough, smart enough, hard working enough to overcome:

• foreclosure and potential eviction
• bankruptcy
• stalker/harassing former professor who sent me terroristic text messages
• my son's issues

I am not. I think I was just entirely too distracted and overwhelmed with everything to truly focus.

On Thanksgiving I opened the notice that said I'm no longer in foreclosure (and hence not filing bankruptcy). It was immensely relieving. That gave me 3 weeks to nail my last exams.

On the first exam I did not study (already noted in earlier post) the 34 point sections: CF and sickle cell TRAIT. Those were on a separate study sheet that *I* spaced out. No one's fault but mine.

On that exam I got an 80. Not bad, better than the average.

I knew on the final going in I was aiming for a 100% and knew I could pull it off. I knew what to expect... then was told the best I could do in class was an 89.5% and that percentage would only be good enough for a "B"...

ouch. Sucked the life out of me. Tail wind going into finals was such an awesome, empowering feeling... to head wind stopping me in my tracks.

Am I stopping? I don't know. I truly do not know what else I would do with my life... because quite frankly, I've already done a lot... and it never felt "right" just gobs of money and no purpose.

Medicine is my calling. My life's circumstances have been entirely too much at times but they seem to be dwindling and easing up a bit. I see my classes for spring are open; I’m teetering… Scared to fail. Scared to try again and come up short because life kicks my butt, not school.
Thanks again.